Journals : 2001 : August
2 August 2001 | Link this
Since a few people have asked, yeah, my birthday is coming up in eight days. I've pretty much decided to ignore it this year.
I may have dinner with a few friends, if they're agreeable, or I may even leave town for some unspecified destination, but I probably won't be hosting the semi-public gathering this year unless there's some tremendous outcry from people who have had their calendars marked for a year. I don't really imagine that will be an issue.
I'm just not in the frame of mind to be a good host right now. Which is not to say that I'm not feeling better. I've actually felt considerably more human the past few days. All the same, it's been a crappy couple of months and I haven't really arrived back at "sociable" yet.
Yes, it could be argued that I never arrived at "sociable" to begin with.
6 August 2001 | Link this
Depressed. Anxious. Indecisive. Dissatisfied. Unmotivated. Lacking confidence. And unable (or unwilling) to discuss any of it, even with my friends, much less with the world at large. So I haven't been communicating much with anyone. My apologies. I'll try to be more interesting next week when I'm older and presumably wiser...
10 August 2001 | Link this
Random reflections and realizations upon hitting age 37:
- There is absolutely nothing exciting about being 37.
- The day convenience stores started selling lottery tickets was the day they ceased to be anything resembling convenient.
- When my mom told me as a child that I'd eventually regret it if I started smoking, she was right.
- The more commercials annoy me, the more I watch PBS, which is probably a good thing.
- At some point in the last year, a good parking space assumed a higher priority in my life than sex.
- A little cubed steak can be a wonderful thing.
- Most of my friends are considerably more tolerant and accommodating of me than I have any right to expect them to be. More attentive too.
- I'm glad I don't really drink anymore, because if I did, I might get really plastered tonight, and I'd surely regret it tomorrow.
11 August 2001 | Link this
One of the rudest tendencies here in the "tolerant" Bay Area is that so many people here feel the need to wander up to complete strangers in public places and tell them exactly how environmentally, socially, or metaphysically incorrect their current set of actions are.
It's not just in Berkeley...
I've had the occasional stranger wander upto me and inform me, for example, that smoking is unhealthy and dangerous. After being flabbergasted by the presumptuousness of the first two or three pompous asses, I started responding with something along the lines of "so is walking upto complete strangers on the street and offering unsolicited criticism when you don't know how violently they might react."
It's amazing how well that usually works...
What's with this assumption that gentle, intellectual prodding will somehow make the cretins of the world suddenly realize the error of their ways and rush to mend all adjacent fences? Why must the granola crowd be so fucking wimpy and schoolmarmish? They leave me embarrassed to be a leftist. Why not call an asshole an asshole?
Here's a hint: gentle reminders about the environment and consideration for others are not going to matter much to that yuppie swine who used three spaces to park his urban assault vehicle. However, a note containing a forceful reminder about how accessible and fragile his windshield are just might.
And a reminder: telling the woman who scolds you for looking in the meat case at Safeway to "shut the fuck up and mind your own business" is going to get rid of her much faster than some long-winded explanation of how you need extra protein in your diet, blah blah blah...
We need fewer people quoting sociology dissertations and more people using terms like these:
- Brain-dead frat boy (each should be capitalized if you're discussing the President).
- Self-righteous bitch (replace "bitch" with "prick" as needed).
- Fucking idiot (wonderful all-purpose terminology).
Yes, I'm suggesting that rudeness be used to combat rudeness in some cases. Most people who are being assholes are quite aware that they're doing so and won't react to any other response. And those who don't know they're being assholes should be made aware of the fact, not made to feel that they've "won" because you were compelled to "defend" yourself.
Don't get in a fight, of course, but also don't assume that a response like "please stop damaging my self-esteem" or "perhaps you should be more sensitive to my needs" is going to gain you much ground outside the ever-flaky Bay Area.
Yes, I realize that I might well be much happier in New York, where people mind their own business. I've never reacted well to scolding...
13 August 2001 | Link this
I did something last night that I haven't done in almost three months. I'm not going to say what, but it sure was fun. And even better, it's a doctor-recommended therapy...
And no, it wasn't laundry, although I did that yesterday too. It's only been two months on that one...
14 August 2001 | Link this
So I get a little annoyed at all theose cute little movies which suggest that falling in love somehow solves every little problem in one's life. Anytime I've appraoched anything in the neighborhood of love, it's tended to AMPLIFY most of my problems. But then again, I probably wasn't doing it right. And danged if that wan't the understatement of the year...
Unrelated annoyance: TV newscasters with an astonishing lack of familiarity about the areas they serve. One of many examples: on tonight's KGO news, the Fresno Bee was described as a "Sacramento-area newspaper". I imagine the people of Fresno (a city of 400,000 people in a metropolitan area of many more) will be a little disturbed to learn that they're living in a suburb of Sacramento, which 180 miles away. Incidentally, that's about the same distance as San Francisco, where KGO is located. Maybe by 11:00, the Bee will have become a Bay Area newspaper...
Birthday greetings to Shane. He lives in Kansas City, which may soon be recognized by KGO as an integral part of the greater St. Louis area...
15 August 2001 | Link this
The gentrification of my neighborhood may now be complete. Blecch...
15 August 2001 Later | Link this
Yes, I've also had the occasional idiot ask me why, among all my books, there weren't more "gay ones". I usually tell them that I'm not terribly interested in WHO my books sleep with...
This is completely unrelated and quite wonderful...
16 August 2001 | Link this
I see: Sabrina the Teenage Witch
I need: retroactive health insurance
I find: that I'm not fond of 80% of the people I encounter
I want: change
I have: some very good books
I wish: I had some ambition and initiative
I love: the java jive and it loves me
I hate: way too much stuff
I miss: the east coast
I fear: George W. Bush
I feel: defective
I hear: Interstate 80
I smell: Interstate 80
I crave: non-interstate highways
I search: Google, usually
I wonder: if my heart will start functioning normally at some point
I regret: not going to grad school, among other things
When was the last time you...
Smiled: lunch
Laughed: lunch
Cried: Saturday
Bought something: an hour ago
Danced: 1985
Were sarcastic: much more recently than 1985
Kissed someone: Sunday
Talked to an ex: define "ex" please...
Watched your favorite movie: last week
Had a nightmare: don't remember
Last book you read: American
Beach
Last movie you saw: don't remember
Last song you heard: the theme to "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"
Last thing you had to drink: grape juice
Last time you showered: this morining
Last thing you ate: a cookie
Smoke: yes, but I'm working on it
Do drugs: aside from the aforementioned nicotine, no
Have sex: not enough
Sleep with stuffed animals: no
Live in the moment: which moment?
Had a dream that keeps coming back: no
Play an instrument: no
Believe there is life on other planets: only on Rigel 4
Remember your first love: yes
Still love him/her: no
Read the newspaper: yes
Have any gay or lesbian friends: a few
Believe in miracles: yes, ever since I discovered Pillsbury frozen buttermilk
biscuits
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever: possible: yes, advisable:
no
Consider yourself tolerant of others: as long the annoying ones stay
the hell out of my way
Consider love a mistake: only if I'm a participant
Like the taste of alcohol: sure, why not?
Have a favorite candy: Reese's
Believe in astrology: give me a fucking break
Believe in God: define "god" please...
Believe in magic: it was the best song Pilot
ever recorded
Pray: not generally
Go to church: oh no
Have any pets: my plants
Talk to strangers who IM you: don't IM at all
Wear hats: sometimes
Have any piercings: no
Have any tattoos: no
Hate yourself: only on Tuesdays
Have an obsession: yes
Have a secret crush: no
Collect anything: yes
Have a best friend: yes
Wish on stars: do porn stars count?
Like your handwriting: sure
Have any bad habits: yes
Care about looks: yes
Believe in witches: see first question
Believe in Satan: no
Believe in ghosts: not really
17 August 2001 | Link this
I can't imagine a better anecdotal justification for the pending financial privacy bills in California than this: my ex-roomie just forwarded a message to me from some "financial counselling group" concerned about my "high interest credit cards"...
The disturbing aspects are that (a) I don't really have any high-interest credit cards and I'm current on the two cards I have, and (b) this message was left randomly (via a recording) on a phone number which hasn't been mine in over two years...
You've probably never seen me yell in quite the way I yelled at the hapless soul who answered their 800 number...
In unrelated news, it's my dad's birthday. I'd wish him a happy one if I thought he'd read it here...
19 August 2001 | Link this
Sitting around feeling a little restless on a Saturday night (but not quite restless enough to go out and do anything), I was laying on the living room couch, listening to music from the 1940s and 1950s on KABL, and looking around the room, noting that most of the technology in my living room was available 20 years ago (and was widepsread 15 years ago).
It started me pondering some rather odd technologies from my lifetime, all of which might have become "the next big thing" had not their timing been a little off or their operation just a little too convoluted.
- Remember those adapters which used to let you play cassette tapes on your car's 8-track player? Those were just plain bizarre, not to mention a good way to destroy both your cassettes and your 8-track player. Nothing ever sounded quite right either.
- Cable FM radio was a strange service I had in Charlotte back in the 1980s. Not that I paid for anything so stupid, but it was pretty easy to rig by splitting the signal which ent to your TV. It was a little pointless in an urban area where all the radio reception was fine anyway. An unintended advantage for me was that it provided a high-fi audio signal for TBS (which was on cable TV channel 6, a frequency just adjacent to the lower end of the FM radio dial). I think they also (on purpose) delivered the audio sgnal for MTV (and maybe HBO) this way.
- How about TVs which still had mechanical tuners, but disguised them as push-buttons and allowed you to put whatever channel wherever you wanted it. I still have one of those, actually, but I don't have the sheet of replaceable channel numbers anymore.
- A funny-looking thing which may or may not have had an actual purpose: those linear-tracking turntables which hung vertically so that the record spun facing you.
- Even funnier: record-changer turntables which played one record, and then dropped the next one on top of it and played that one. At the end of an hour or so, you had four moderately-scratched records spinning at about 15% below their normal speed.
- Before microwaves were common, we had boiling bags, those individual servings of a meat patty in gravy in a plastic bag which you boiled for ten minutes or so. Of course, this required food which was thin and didn't have a shape which needed maintaining.
- The best strange food technology, though, was the McDLT from McDonald's. Of course, the whole McSystem at that time involved pre-cooking sandwiches which sat in a heated holding bin until served. Thus, lettuce and tomato together on a sandwich was unworkable; it left a soggy, wilted mess. That is, until the McDLT, which came in a two-chambered styrofoam package, with the meat and cheese on one side and the lettuce and tomato on the other. It could sit in the bin for the standard "ten minutes" and it was a very odd thing indeed when served.
- Until about 1985, tone dialing (which is now standard) was an option, it cost more, and it wasn't available everywhere. For about five years or so, there were these hybrid tone-pulse phones. They had pushbuttons but interfaced with the phone company in the old-fashioned pulse system (and took forever doing so). You could also switch modes during the call so you could dial in and use long-distance services which needed tone-dialing.
Anyone have any other strange technologies from the recent past? I don't mean dead technolgies (like Beta, which was actually superior to VHS), but ones which died quickly just because they were so fucking weird or Rube Goldberg-esque? Mention them here. Do it now, before I start talking about the Kinko's Oversize Fax Network...
21 August 2001 | Link this
So who's gonna miss this hateful, ignorant son of a bitch and his perpetually constipated visage when he leaves the Senate? Not me. Maybe in a few years I'll at least get over that twinge of dread and embarrassment I feel when I tell people that I'm from North Carolina...
All my life, I heard the mantra repeated over and over again: "you may not agree with Jesse Helms, but you always know where he stands". Well, yeah. Big deal. There was never much question where Hitler stood either. And it's amazing how often he and Jesse could be found standing in just about the same exact place. I like to think that when they die, they'll continue to be in pretty close proximity too...
24 August 2001 | Link this
My dad said it. He said the Jesse Helms mantra, even though he was half joking. I knew I'd hear it at least once this week, even without access to North Carolina TV coverage...
I may leave town tomorrow. If not, I'll tell you the unlikely story of how I may soon be a member of the United Auto Workers...
Also, please be advised that my increasingly shitty internet connection is my current excuse for not answering email nor actually visiting exciting websites this week. My backup excuse is tons of work, so (in theory), I'm actually CREATING exciting websites. Wish I could upload them...
26 August 2001 | Link this
I could not imagine a more pleasant site at the otherwise nondescript corner of Mission and Cesar Chavez on a Saturday morning. They scurried down the street on the back of a truck about two minutes later...
27 August 2001 | Link this
When people who make their living as writers use words like "incentivize" in nationally-syndicated newspaper columns, I become more and more convinced that (a) there are not enough editors in our world, and (b) the English language is doomed...
I'm also of the opinion that the individuals who name paint (or paper) colors should be ostracized and ridiculed regularly. My building is being repainted, and one of the color choices is something called "Mauve Madness". My guess is that this shade would be best complemeted by a combination of "Fierce Fuschia" and "Extreme Ecru", but I'm not sure if anyone else agrees...
However, today's official overused buzzword of the day, "hegemony", is more often seen in academic writing. Like most overused buzzwords which are actual proper English words -- unlike "incentivize" -- it has origins as a perfectly acceptable means of expressing a certain thought. However, it moves into the realm of the cliché when used, without irony or apology, fourteen times in a single chapter or essay. It's also indicative of a lazy writer...
But maybe I just read too much non-fiction...
29 August 2001 | Link this
The fog's back. Specifically, it came back at about 4:05 this afternoon, damn near knocking me down in the process just as I got out of my car at Webster and Jackson...
You have to love a place where it's more likely to be warm and sunny in April or October than in August, and where a ten-degree change in the daily high temperature (from 68 to 78) is considered a major weather trend. It's great living someplace where, in summer at least, the daily high temperature is usually less than the daily low temperature in the rest of the country...
You rarely hear about the heat index or the chill factor here, unless someone's discussing a nightclub. San Francisco stands out like a glaring anomaly on the weather map for a good part of the year. We love that...
30 August 2001 | Link this
I can honestly say that of all the places I don't want to be this Labor day weekend, New Orleans is pretty damned close to the top of the list...
But then again, so is San Francisco...