Journals : 2001 : September
1 September 2001 | Link this
Nice belated birthday lunch with Sarah today. It would have been even nicer if I hadn't been having one of my "all this medication sucks and I feel like shit and who really needs a properly-functioning thyroid gland or heart anyway, dammit" days...
Speaking of which, it's time for my evening pills...
2 September 2001 | Link this
There are many things I was ambivalent about as a youth which I've learned to appreciate with age: collard greens, 1950s pop standards, etc...
There is one thing I've grown to hate more than anything else as I've gotten older: large crowds. Crowding has never been one of my favorite phenomena, but I used to put up with them occasionally if the event in question was worth the effort. No more...
It's not that I have a phobia; I don't get panic attacks or anything like that. I just get REALLY annoyed in crowds. I want to start shoving and elbowing when the flow of (pedestrian) traffic won't move at a reasonable pace. And I start finding something to hate about everyone who gets in my way, or even looks like he MIGHT get in my way...
Crowds in bars are the worst, of course. Drunk idiots are statistically more likely to stumble into one's path than sober idiots. And the M.O., at least in queer bars, seems to be "find the place where you can do the most damage to traffic flow and stand there with 12 of your closest friends for an hour or two"...
Of course, it's no trick to get me annoyed anyway. I'm perpetually irritable and I'm quite comfortable with this fact, thanks. And my problem with crowds probably stems from the fact that I'm just not a "people person". In other words, I tend to expect the worst out of most people I encounter, rather than the best. This tactic results in much less disappointment and even the occasional pleasant surprise...
Oddly enough, there was a time (say, 1985) when I was comparatively outgoing and even tolerated crowds pretty well. Then I spent ten years in customer service jobs and it was all over for me. I learned to see the worst in people simply because they all seemed so damned willing to show it. I haven't waited on a customer in a retail store in over four years and I still haven't recovered...
I may never go to a bar on a Saturday night, a sporting event, a parade, or a street fair again, and I really don't think I'll be missing all that much. Large crowds have a tendency to gather primarily to do things I'm not much interested in doing anyway...
Coming soon: why I hate crowds of Sodomites even more than I hate regular, all-purpose crowds...
2 September 2001 Later | Link this
I was in one of my casserole moods tonight. Recipe available upon request...
Best song heard in a drinking establishment (where I wasn't drinking) this weekend: "I Love You" by Yello...
5 September 2001 | Link this
Oh fiddlesticks. I forgot to go to Burning Man...
Today's exciting new drug is Rythmol. Yes, I know it sounds like it should be an ineffective birth control pill. It's not. Trust me...
Strangeness du jour: having two WB affiliates in one TV market. It's just temporary, until KNTV signs on with NBC in January, but I may live in the only part of the country where "Dawson's Creek" has a better coverage area than "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"...
Is "fiddlesticks" two words or one?
6 September 2001 | Link this
For anyone who may have had his irony detector disabled yesterday, the answer is no. I was not really upset about missing Burning Man. I've already spent two days this year in the hospital with tubes sticking out of my arm; that's quite enough fun for one year, thanks. Adding the joy of coping with annoying, smelly people on drugs in the middle of a desert might result in a pleasure overload. Really...
8 September 2001 | Link this
Try to remember the kind of September...
September 1981: I'm a senior in high school, and I'm in the midst of ditching my last real "girlfriend", working part-time as a stockboy at The Limited, and wondering why the hell I signed up for AP English.
September 1986: I'm a college dropout in the middle of my transfer from Myrtle Beach SC (where I've lived for three months) to Charlotte NC (where I'll live for three years) to open a brand new branch of the surf and skate shop in a leaky former convenience store.
September 1991: I've just returned to Greensboro from my first visit to San Francisco, and I'm starting my final semester in college and wondering what to do next.
September 1996: I've just started doing occasional journal-type updates on Planet SOMA, my car is about to be brutally murdered, and I'm planning my first real online vacation to Minnesota. I'm also thinking about quitting my job, not realizing that when I do, I won't have a full-time job again for at least five years.
September 2001: I still don't have a full-time job and don't really want one, am having the scariest health problems of my life, and really want to move back east but I'm wondering what I'll do when I get there.
There has to be some common thread there, but I'm damned if I can see what it is..
9 September 2001 | Link this
Is it just me or is spam getting much worse the past few months? It's now way past the 5-10 per day I used to get; my junk mail is now outnumbering the legitimate mail by a factor of five or six to one on weekend days...
There hasn't been an email address on this site for a couple of years, I never post to newsgroups or message boards without using a throwaway Yahoo address, and I even use customized addresses ("amazon@", for example) when I buy online so I know who's selling addresses. I use Eudora, which isn't fully HTML-compliant, so "web bugs" (those graphics which let the sender know that you've read his mail and set you up for even more) aren't an issue. But still it's getting worse and worse...
The disturbing thing is that more and more of it seems to be coming from "legitimate" companies, like Belk Department Stores, a company which has already fielded several irate calls from me and will never have to worry about my being a customer again, even if I should happen to move back near one of their stores. I'm really aggressive about letting companies like this know that their tactics are completely unacceptable...
I've become adept at filtering messages, so only about 15-20% of the garbage lands in my inbox, but it's still gotten so bad that I'm even thinking of deleting my main, most-used email alias and broadcasting a new one to friends I want to hear from. And until there's a system by which these slimewads have to take some responsibility for the "free speech" they exercise, it will only get worse...
9 September 2001 Later | Link this
I spent two hundred bucks (which I arguably don't have) on miscellaneous electronics today. It made me happy, or at least happier than I was before I started out...
11 September 2001 Midnight | Link this
I met one of my neighbors today. Not one of the ever-ephemeral loft dwellers across the street, but the gentleman right around the corner. The one who's been here 70 years. In this neighborhood. In the same building. In fact, one of his kids once lived in my buidling...
What must it be like for a man to have watched all the changes South of Market since the 1930s, and from the very midst of the neighborhood yet? There can't be too many others around. With only nine years under my belt I feel like I've been living here longer than a good chunk of my neighbors...
I think I may have to talk to him more often. Besides, I fell in love with his dog...
Anyway, it's hotter than hell in my apartment and I can't open my windows because of the painters. The whole building's turning a rather putrid shade of Pepto-Bismol pink, but that's apparently just the primer. I'm glad it's eventually going away, although I must say it's very soothing to the stomach...
BerkeleyBreathed.com on the monitor and Young Frankestein on the TV, which now has much-enhanced audio...
11 September 2001 7:45AM | Link this
My God. I wake up at 7:30, hear sirens, read a quick email message from a friend in New York telling me that two planes have flown into the World Trade Center, turn on the news, and realize that the whole country has gone insane.
What the fuck is going on?
11 Septmeber 2001 10:26AM | Link this
It's creepy even in San Francisco. People on the street look troubled, the McDonald's on Bryant next to the police station is almost deserted, and downtown is supposedly shutting down for the day...
And still CalTrans keeps pouding those fucking pile drivers for the freeway retrofit. The backdrop to the horrifying news is a constant loud pounding sound which makes my building vibrate each time. What the hell are those idiots thinking?
And my god, what must it be like in New York. I've had a couple of pieces of email, but I can't get a phone call through right now...
Firsthand sightings at Ultrasparky and Andy's Chest...
11 September 2001 6:45PM | Link this
I love my mom for emailing and saying this, among other things: "It is unthinkable to me that so much horror is caused in the name of religion."
I can't watch the news anymore. I have to stop.
12 September 2001 | Link this
It's 5:00 on the day after and for what seems like the very first time since yesterday morning, the local TV stations have paused long enough to offer a weather report. I'd usually criticize such non-stop attention to one topic (like during the presidential "election" last fall), but I can't this time...
Now it's 10:00 and I still don't know how exactly to react to all this. I don't think I'm in the minority. I'm having a hard time summoning all the anger that so many other people have demonstrated, although it appears briefly here and there. I'm still more trapped in fear and anxiety about what happens next. And I think I'm still focusing on the horrendous physical tragedy rather than the frightening and even more serious political implications...
And I'm wondering just what makes people so self-righteous and arrogant and callous as to think that their opinion of a country's policies justifies the brutal murder of thousands, maybe tens of thousands, of random innocent people. And being relieved that most people in the world are not psychotic and therefore don't have such strong "faith"...
I'm worried about bigots (here and abroad), and about terrorists (the kind who hijack planes and kill people, and the kind who cause panics at gas stations in Oklahoma City), and about the next group which thinks ramming a plane into a building is just a spiffy way to make a point now that you mention it...
Words fail me. Maybe some random thoughts while I continue trying to figure out how I'm reacting to the past two days:
- I still can't call New York City, although I have received one call FROM there.
- San Francisco buses and the stores are eerily quiet. If you've ever ridden a 14-Mission bus, you'll know that it's usually not a particularly peaceful experience, but it was last night.
- By lunchtime, it was almost inmpossible to buy a newspaper here.
And on TV coverage, while I'm at it:
- ABC is far and away doing the best live coverage of the broadcast networks, while CBS seems to have the best taped reports. CNN seems to have the edge over MSNBC on cable.
- You knew this was something big when MTV and VH-1 replaced their programming yesterday with a feed from New York City's CBS station (but not from the network itself, oddly enough).
- Where did Fox dig up their news crew? Could they possibly send them back to whichever small town talk radio station they came from in exchange for some real journalists?
- At what point did Dan Rather surrender all his dignity and credibility to Peter Jennings and become so jarringly painful to watch?
13 Septmeber 2001 | Link this
Thursday afternoon. I've taken one of my increasingly-frequent breaks to watch Miss Lucy and The Simpsons.
The disaster coverage was bad enough, but the victim and survivor stories are too much. I just can't watch them without starting to tear up, especially the ones about people who went back to their offices based on an "all clear" announcement from the World Trade Center security staff. What the hell were they thinking? And when they played the Bay Area man's last answering machine message from his wife on the 93rd floor, I'd had all I could stand.
There were bomb threats in the Financial District and at the airport today, although only the cops seemed to be taking them very seriously. There were idiot fratboys walking around trying to be funny by yelling "boom". There were sirens everywhere, and people were looking up at the slightest noise.
Even in "tolerant" San Francisco, I watched people suspiciously eyeing a woman of apparently Middle Eastern descent as she walked out of the cell phone store. No one said anything, but you knew what they were thinking, and it didn't have much to do with her tight skirt.
Tonight for me, it's back to pushing the new fall season on The WB and UPN. Tomorrow I get to go have some more blood drawn. Oddly enough, I've been feeling much stronger and healthier the past few days and sleeping much better. I guess other people's suffering has managed in some way to divert my mind from my own comparatively insignificant maladies.
16 September 2001 Later| Link this
Sunday night. My apologies to anyone who's been under the impression that I'd fallen off the edge of the planet this weekend. I had a fairly big project to complete in a fairly short period of time over the past couple of days. Actually, I was grateful for something to occupy my mind so I didn't concentrate on less plesant things...
More tomorrow. I'm tired and I'm going to bed...
18 September 2001 | Link this
The thing which scares me almost as much as the potential for more terrorist attacks possible economic collapse, etc: the yahoos who are walking around acting so gleeful and excited about the possibility of a major war. These people are positively giddy at the prospect of "going over there and kicking some butt", as if they were headed for a fucking football game. The testosterone flows freely.
We've been through a terrible tragedy and there will (and should) be a response, one both dramatic AND well-considered. But we're not talking about a video game or a miniseries here. It's not going to be exciting, entertaining, nor particularly fun to watch. It is not, under any circumstances, something to look forward to. And it's not going to be over in a week.
Repeat after me: real life is not a war movie and the hero does not always survive to look sexy and get the girl in the final scene.
Patriotism and unity are one thing. Displaying an American flag while calling everyone who disagrees with you a "traitor" or "un-American" is another. It's certainly not patriotism. Pride in one's country is a little empty without pride in the ideals on which it was founded. It's a little like the flag-burning debate; to many, the actual piece of cloth is more sacred than the freedom it represents. Priorities and perspective be damned.
Similarly, lashing out at anyone who looks like he just might have Islamic tendencies or Middle Eastern roots is a sign not of heroism but of plain bigotry and ignorance. Remember that big backlash against people who looked like survivalist white guys after the Oklahoma City bombing? Nope, neither do I.
OK, enough preaching for one day. Some things I love today:
- There are now "King of the Hill" reruns five nights a week.
- Pork chops are on sale at Safeway.
- I got two long overdue checks in the mail today and may be able to continue eating for another few weeks.
- The front of my building is no longer Pepto-Bismol pink.
We're all still sad and frightened and generally anxious, but life goes on. Tomorrow, it's back to the cynicism and saracsm you've come to expect in this space. Unless I change my mind...
21 September 2001 | Link this
I wish I had something interesting to say...
23 September 2001 | Link this
Revenge of the Ideal Personal Ad. It's a work in progress. It may grow. Or shrink.
24 September 2001 | Link this
Interesting documentary on class in America on KQED tonight. You know. America's dirty little secret? That our classless society really isn't? It was actually well-done and presented some valid arguments from both sides of this war we're not officially having.
I was drawn to the guy who mentioned that, every time he sees a $60,000 car drive by, he wonders "what was that about?" Hit it right on the head for me. Is a $60,000 car really three times better than a $20,000 car or four times better than a $15,000 car? How much of that purchase price is primrialy about the driver making a statement that says "Look at me. I can afford a $60,000 car!"
I don't think it's necessarily prejudice against the wealthy to look at this guy and his car and determine that we probably wouldn't get along. It's not that the guy is rich that bothers me. It's the fact that his priorities and values suggest that blowing that much money on a car is a good idea. This says to me that we probably wouldn't have that much in common.
I realize that very few wealthy people wake up in the morining wondering "how can I trample the working class today?" I also realize that too few wealthy people (and poor people, as it happens) walk around thinking how they can show respect for other people.
Also mentioned, though, was the idea of "getting above your raising". This one, like flaunting your wealth and questionable priorities, is a disturbing class affectation, but one exhibited by the poorer classes. It's sort of a disincentive for anyone who strives for something better, or even different. I've seen this one at work too, although not dramatically, and more from a geographic standpoint than an economic one.
The idea is that if you dare "abandon your roots" and try to move on to something (or someplace) which might be more suitable to your personality, you may find that family (and even some friends) back home don't know or care how to react to you anymore. It's not that they don't understand your new life so much as they don't even acknowlege that you might actually HAVE one. They don't want to know about it, and they don't really want to have much to do with you because you're some sort of traitor for leaving a place which is so obviously perfect for you (because it's perfect for them).
I've gotten some of this attitude from a few family members, it's strange because I think I'm considerably less snobbish about my southern roots and surroundings now than I was when I actually lived there.
Another interesting, if a bit obvious, subject was the way class identity is largely established in high school, but that's a subject for another time. I'm babbling and it's time to go to bed...
24 September 2001 Later | Link this
Cool. We've got a good old-fashioned storm going on here. It's rare enough to get thunder and lightning in San Francisco, but to get it with a rare September rain is just sort of making my night.
It's making me forget all about having met Windoze 2000 face to face for the first time this afternoon. After throwing things around the office and uttering (screaming?) profanities I'd forgotten I knew, it was nice to come home and hug my Mac.
It's also diverting my attention from Chris Matthews on MSNBC. Does anyone else think he just needs to shut the hell up? He's loud and obnoxious, but I could almost stand that if he weren't such a miserably rude interviewer. He's the sort who asks a question and, as soon as the interviewee opens his mouth to answer, asks another one on a completely unrelated topic. And then he complains about not getting an answer.
He's just awful, and it's even sadder that he's usually hosting an interview/panel show. In an hour-long show, you can be assured of at least 45 minutes of his annoying voice. Chris really needs to move past journalistic masturbation and actually listen to someone else once in a while.
25 September 2001 | Link this
End of irony my ass. There are plenty of irritants around who deserve ridicule on a daily basis. A tragedy of epic proportions has occurred, but just because it happens to be a completely inappropriate target doesn't mean we have to ignore all the unrelated, lesser idiots of the world and move en masse to the freakin' little house on the prarie...
A sense of humor, when appropriately focused, is a very useful thing to have in times of crisis. And I don't own a damned thing in gingham...
26 September 2001 | Link this
As much as I rant and talk about idiots, there are some things I would never do, mainly because I have a decent upbringing, which instilled in me a basic respect for other people's feelings.
One of the things I would never do is to go into someone's personal website and send him a message that his site (or he) is boring and useless and bland. The idea of intentionally hurting the feelings of someone just because he runs his own website and I don't like the content (or his life) is just completely foreign to me. What right do I have to criticize someone's free content, which I was not forced to read, particularly when the whole point of the site is to be a journal or expresssion of his thoughts?
It would be different if I were arguing about an issue. But unless the website in question has a message so repulsive that it's designed to provoke a response (a Klansman's personal site, for example), I usually respond either with praise or not at all. I limit my personal attacks to people with really offensive messages and to public figures.
I would never include a link which said "look at this stupid guy's web journal" despite all the inane material availble online. Why bother? That person is saying what he wants to say, and no one's forcing me to read it. He probably isn't aiming his content at me anyway. To write him and say "your life sucks" or "write about someting interesting" is just plain rude; it shows ill-breeding and a complete lack of respect for other people in general.
And then there are the sorts who write to me, say about this site, and offer comments like "I can't believe you didn't include Joe's Market in Passaic. How could you do such sloppy work?" I sometimes invite these people to go fuck themselves with the neon from Joe's sign. More frequently, I ask them to provide the URL of THEIR great, well-researched body of work and I also offer a gentle reminder that I have a life, and that only a certain portion of it is actually dedicated to providing them with free entertainment. Funny, but they rarely respond.
These things roll off me pretty easily; I've been dealing with idiots and assholes for years, my all-time favorite being the one who informed me somewhat forcefully that I needed to stop including pictures of myself where I happened to be smoking. Imagine my response. But I'm always amazed at the sheer audacity of someone trying to tell me what I ought or oughtn't say in my own web journal, particularly since they're often too chickenshit to include a valid return address.
30 September 2001 | Link this
To whomever keeps searching for "mummification" over on Planet SOMA: please stop. You're giving me the willies...
This may be a quick posting, since my internet connection has been all but useless for the better part of five days now. It's been ugly, I'm not sure if it's an ISP or a phone company issue, and I'm tremendously frustrated. But I'm working on it...
I'm also working on a migration of sorts, and this one is ISP-related. Most of my sites will be moving to a new server on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. I'll try to keep it as transparent as possible, but things don't always work the way they're supposed to. One word of warning: those of you who have been accessing any of my sites through long-outdated "best.com" addresses will no loner be able to do so in a few days...
Now I'm going to bed, so I can get up and get the hell out of the neighborhood early tomorrow morning, thus avoiding the annoying spectacle on Folsom Street...