Minneapolis MN – Kansas City MO

Odometer: 88061

Random “pro” thoughts on leaving Minneapolis:

  • It’s nice parking directly in front of your house.
  • Rents are cheap, people are nice, and there are neighborhoods with a pedestrian scale.
  • Surprisingly good local newspapers, which cover planning and urban social/economic issues well. Of course ANYTHING would look good after six years of the Chronicle and Examiner, perhaps the worst pair of “big city” newspapers in America.

And the “con” list:

  • Minnesotans are horrible drivers (among the worst I’ve ever seen) and the freeways are badly designed too.
  • It’s damn cold.
  • The queer bars suck, and they close at 1 (which might actually be a GOOD thing).
  • Not a decent burrito to be found in the entire city.

I managed to leave at a fairly reasonable hour and just in time to miss the predicted snowfall. I’m heading south, I thought, so it will surely get warmer. Yeah…right… By the time I hit the Iowa state line at noon, it was five degrees colder than in Minneapolis. But I was moving to the hot polka beat of 920AM in Faribault, so I was OK.


Iowa was no less boring from north to south than from east to west. I got through it as fast as the ridiculously low speed limit (and the proliferation of roadkill) would allow. Missouri was a welcome sight.

Until I got to Kansas City.

I had a great time in Kansas City last year. History did not repeat itself. I was never able to get in touch with the friend in whose house I was to stay. It’s my own fault for not getting in touch by phone first. I’m an idiot and I hated not being able to catch up with old friends. I decided to get a room. Two hours and about 50 miles later, I found a really skanky one which smelled bad. I was not in a good mood by this point.

When I went out for food, I realized I was in the absolute suburb from hell. There was no visible fast food. All the roads went to nowhere. I finally found a Burger King. Inside, five teenage stud wannabes were in line, talking on their cell phones as they ordered. One of them paid with a check. I now know what hell looks like.

Going out again was out of the question.