A Quandary of Queers, A Lick of Lesbians

Just like we have herds of cattle and flocks of seagulls, I’ve decided that a pack of queers is a “quandary” and a pack of Lesbians is a “lick”. Yes, faggots run in packs. That’s no secret. And it’s also no small source of consternation for me, as a bit of a loner and a hermit.

What really bugs me, though, is the type of fag who goes out to bars with his entourage and cruises up a storm but never once leaves his impenetrable fortress of friends. And then he complains about how he never meets anyone when he goes to bars.

“People cruise me and smile at me, but no one ever talks to me,” the little wanker whines. What the hell does he expect? No one could get near him all night.

I’m sure there’s some sociological explanation for this “herding urge” among Sodomites. And I’m sure it’s related to the reason why some people are completely unable to eat at restaurants alone, go to movies alone, etc. A lot of people seem completely terrified of EVER being alone, particularly in a public place.

Maybe I’m the weirdo here. I almost always go to bars alone, because I almost always go to bars to meet people or to run into acquaintances I wouldn’t see anyplace else. If I want to socialize and converse with friends, a bar would be the last pace I’d do so. Who wants to have a conversation when you have to shout and strain to hear every word?

A case in point from a recent Saturday night: I supsect that the aforementioned whiny wanker (so named because that’s how he’ll end up spending the evening) also wanted to meet people, which is why he came to the bar in the first place. But he was so terrified of being alone (or of being SEEN alone) that he probably didn’t meet ANYONE.

Very few people, in my observation, are willing to walk up to a crowd of strangers and just jump right into the conversation. I’m not. On the other hand, many people will walk upto an individual standing alone (trust me). If the guy above had just once stopped staring a hole in my crotch from within his crowd and had actually walked away and done so away from them, we might be going at it like rabbits even now.

Instead, he chose the coy option I refer to as “cutesy cruising”; he alternated between talking to his pals and staringing pointedly in my direction for 20 minutes, never leaving his perch. I got bored with it and moved on, even though I would like to have met him, particularly given his obvious and intense interest. I found a substitute. I’m sure he went home and pouted because no one would approach him.

A couple of tips:

  • First, try going to bars alone once in a while. Once there, try spending a few minutes not being in the center of a group of friends. Believe it or not, it is quite possible to enjoy being in a bar without spending every minute talking to someone. If nothing else, the people-watching can be fun.
  • If you’re really hot for someone and he’s cruising back, excuse yourself from your circle of friends for a minute. Go to the bar or the bathroom and take your time coming back. Get by yourself for a few minutes.
  • If you can’t do either of the above, then walk over and introduce yourself to the guy. He’s not going to invade your crowd, but you could invade his solitude. If he’s been cruising you too, that’s probably what he’s waiting for.