Note to anyone waiting for an email response: it’s coming soon. I cheated tonight and sat through Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, and Son of Frankenstein all in a row. I’m taping Young Frankenstein at midnight. That’s my half-assed concession to Hallowe’en.

Speaking of half-assed, how about this stream of one-paragraph updates…


A disclaimer: I only eat at McDonald’s when there’s pretty much no other viable fast food option. The food’s just too bad to cope with on a regular basis, even with my significant tolerance for crap.

That said, what’s up with their much-publicized new “made fresh for you” system? Seems the only difference is that the same miserable-tasting food now takes twice as long to be served. Especially if you’re in line behind some soccer mom agonizing over which Beanie Baby to choose. McDonald’s only advantage (ubiquity aside) used to be speed. Now they don’t even have that…

Car-free Option

One of the biggest things I’d miss about living in a large urban area would be the ability to get around without a car. Even though I actually have one, I almost never drive it in the city. It’s just too much of a pain in the ass, given parking, traffic, and the alarming recent increase in the number of idiots on the streets. It’s usually easier just to walk most places I go, or sometimes to take a bus. My car is pretty much for trips to the supermarket and, more importantly, for trips OUT of the city.

Tonight, we took BART to Oakland for dinner, followed by a long walk. When I lived in Charlotte, we never took a train to Gastonia for dinner. In Greensboro, a fairly large city, I don’t think any of the bus routes even operate after about 6:00 at night. Tonight’s trip took maybe ten minutes longer than driving would have and the frustration level was almost non-existant.

I love having a car, but I also love not HAVING to have a car.

Clean House

David’s first rule of casual copulation: in the rare event that one’s house is completely clean one evening, no potential sex partner will see it, no matter how promising things may look early in the evening. Period.

The laundry is done, the dishes are washed, and the floors are vacuumed, and I’m sitting here watching “Badfinger: Behind the Music“, all by my lonesome. That’s OK; I did have nice cheap sex earlier with a boy in very convincing bike messenger drag, among others. But I rather wanted to bring someone home. And I thought I was going to at one point. Oh well…

Things I love tonight:

  • Badfinger.
  • My stunningly clean house and “Downy fresh” laundry.
  • Half-price Hallowe’en candy at Long’s.
  • $1.69 Stouffers at Ralphs.
  • Alternaboys with surprisingly large penises.

Things I hate tonight:

  • Cute boys (named Steve) who are sober enough to cruise me very agressively (to the point of snuggling, even) but are too drunk to have the attention span required to get past that point.
  • Forgetting to set the VCR and thus missing The Simpsons while engaging in the aforementioned snuggling.
  • The asshole who stole the brand new jack from my trunk just hours after I bought it last night.
  • Laundromats.

Go, Missouri

At least the people of Missouri apparently had the good sense to realize that a dead Democrat was better than a live Republican as a candidate for the US Senate. It’s a pity that slightly more than half of the country couldn’t show the same good judgment by electing a different dead Democrat to the presidency.

I’m going to bed. I may move to Canada tomorrow.

Crack Cream?

Sorry for the Beavis and Butthead moment here, but I just saw this commercial featuring some grandfatherly old pharmacist who managed to keep a straight face as he discussed this wonderful new skin-care product called Zim’s Crack Creme. Obviously this name was decided without the moderating influence of a corporate marketing department.

More later about elections, meeting a nice guy last night, and more, but I had to get this one posted before I forgot…

November Sucks

Jonno was right; November sucks. It’s freezing and the heat in my apartment isn’t working. I have an ingrown pubic hair and a big shaving-related gash on my left cheek. I’m thinking of calling in sick to my part-time job tomorrow rather than going in and committing the grisly murder I fantasized about all day today.

And there’s still no elected leader of the free world…

I guess things aren’t all THAT bad, though. I had my fill of barbecue this weekend. Real barbecue. North Carolina barbecue. Chopped pork in a vinegar and pepper sauce. None of that ketchupy crap the rest of the country uses. I was happy.

I’ve also spent two quite pleasant low-key evenings with a nice guy who met me through email. See? That could have been you. But then again, you might have been miffed at the fact that I’m not really fit human companionship this month. David (the David who isn’t me) wasn’t, fortunately. He gets extra points; I’ll write more when he gets to 50.

I’m thinking of taking a few days off from this space. Of course, that’s in addition to the few unannounced days I already took off. Check back though. I may change my mind later tonight if I have somthing more to say, or if I really go on that killing spree at work tomorrow.


Funny. Thanks to Ron for that one.

A friend and I were discussing sperm yesterday via email (it made sense at the time) and he asked “is it weird that I often view semen as some sort of awful venom?” It started me thinking that there’s a whole generation of Sodomites just slightly younger than me who, given recent world history, may very well have grown up thinking this.

I guess I’m part of the last generation which started out its sex life thinking it was just fine and dandy to spooge in the mouth, up the butt, or wherever else was handy. Of course, things changed pretty quickly for most of us about 1983 or 1984. And people just a year or two younger than me came out into a world of condoms, “on me not in me”, and all the rest. It was the default condition for them, and significantly less behavioral modification was involved. I think.

It’s a shame in some ways, that so many people have been conditioned to view semen as toxic. But you could argue that it’s a necessary shame, I guess.

Site Changes

Just testing a new interim front page with Planet SOMA to the left and The Other Stream up above. The idea is to make it the entrypoint for both sites until I’m ready to divorce them completely in a month or two. This idea may suck. I haven’t decided yet…

Besides, it’s Thanksgiving week, which has always proven to be a low-traffic time which is great for experiments.

At any rate, my uncertainity pales in comparison to what they must be going through at the Chronicle and the Examiner right now. It’s a strange thing; the Examiner’s “final issue” today was sort of final, but not really. After all, the paper will still exist tomorrow, albeit as a morning paper owned by a different company and written by a different staff. And the old Examiner staff will still be around tomorrow too, working at the Chronicle. Confused? A lot of people are…

My biggest concern, of course, is where Zippy the Pinhead will end up.

My other biggest concern, alas, is about my increasingly miserable on-site part-time job. No 20-hour a week gig should be tormenting me as much as this one is starting to. I don’t see it lasting past the end of the year. So if you have any great-paying semi-regular part-time work which will balance out the cashflow in my freelance jungle, please let me know…


Thanksgiving Day. Appropriately, it’s cold, gray, and autimnal in San Francisco. All in all, I’d say I’m being treated to roughly the same weather I’d be experiencing if I were at home with Mom and Dad. The only difference is the lack of fallen leaves all over the streets and the grass. Of course, there’s not really any grass here to be covered anyway.

Perhaps the greatest thing about Thanksgiving Day in the city is the fact that I managed to park right at my front door last night. A minor miracle. And, were I to give up this prime space, I might actually get it again later today.

I’m not really going to sit here all day. Dan, Jamie, and I are going out in search of a charming Denny’s in another area code later this afternoon. Could be Sacramento or Santa Cruz or just Pacifica, depending on the traffic. And then we might go to K-mart.

Thanksgiving has never been a holiday I celebrate very festively. My one concession was baking a pan of brownies last night, which did impress several of my friends, oddly enough. I usually save most of my domesticity for Christmas. I’m not sure why, given my lack of any particularly active Christianity.

I’m actually going into my miserable part-time job for a hour or two tomorrow, having negotiated an hourly rate for this favor which rivals that of some doctors or lawyers, but still doesn’t quite compare with most auto mechanics.

But for now, I’m watching Bewitched. I’m thankful to be watching Bewitched.

I Loved the Early 1990s

So sometimes when I’m feeling even more lethargic than usual (which is a pretty frightening thing), I pop in some random video from my collection and realized that I’ve taped some strange shit over the years.

Tonight’s choice was MTV’s “Buzz Weekend” from sometime in 1992. It featured significant chunks of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Live. There were moments from when Steve Isaacs was still adorable and still a VJ, and (maybe strangest of all) an entire episode of “MTV Sports” with Dan Cortese (remember him?) and Marky Mark, not to mention special skateboarding guests The Beastie Boys.

I sure enjoyed those “grunge years”. It was one of the only times in my life when scruffy long-haired boys were in the mainstream rather than (pardon the expression) the other stream. And of course, you all know that scruffy long-haired boys are my favorite flavor.

The music was pretty good too, if a bit uneven. It’s a pity the final result was the complete corporatization and homogenization of “alternative” which followed shortly after, about the time Singles was released. Even so, I liked it too, just because it’s the only movie I’ve ever seen which had a city planner as its main character.

Funny. This started out as a journal entry about how Jim Morrison was the sexiest rock star ever. Look where it went. Well, he was, anyhow. Maybe I’ll write about that tomorrow…

Saturday Night

Another minor miracle: an entertaining Saturday night out on Folsom Street.

It was not entertaining in the sense of “I met the boy of my dreams and we fucked like whores all night”, although that would indeed have been pleasant. It was just nice that I ran into several friends I hadn’t seen in a very long time, including Barry (whose name you’re not expected to know) and Bringdown (who will remain nameless, faceless, and always enticingly bitter).

And I didn’t get drunk. That was a bonus too, albeit an expected one, and one you may not believe from my bad sentence structure this morning.

The downside was my visit to Hole in the Wall, the bar which used to be my favorite on the entire planet. It has all of a sudden turned into absolutely the creepiest place on earth. It’s like watching the voyage of the damned. There were, I’d estimate, about fifteen people there at 1:00 tonight. I’m guessing that five of them will have OD’ed and arrived at the emergency room by the time I type this. The rest, are no doubt, still sitting there staring into space. The place was just plain scary and it’s been that way every time I’ve stopped in lately. It’s a shame.

On brighter fronts, someone loves me. He’s in Richmond, Virginia. Why does no one in my own time zone ever love me?

I’m going to bed.


I think I gave notice at my evil, soul-sucking part-time job today. I’m not really sure I meant to yet; it just sort of happened, almost by accident. It’s probably for the best, but it does add a certain urgency to my quest for a career. Mainly because I probably won’t quite be able to make ends meet until I find some sort of replacement.

The preferred replacement would be a larger chunk of freelance work. Need a website? Need porn stories? Need a bitter and sometimes sarcastic columnist? I’m open to other things, although I think my age and girth have pretty much ruled out prostitution or modeling.


And no, I can’t offer insight on why I’m leaving my current job, because I’m not entirely sure if I’ve left it yet.

Plans for the weekend:

  • Eradicate this cold I seem to have caught.
  • Entertain Duncan and Rick (arriving Saturday) and maybe convince them that they need a very well-paid houseboy who can cook grits.
  • Update Bottles.
  • Have sex. Maybe even with another person. Volunteers solicited.