Clean House

David’s first rule of casual copulation: in the rare event that one’s house is completely clean one evening, no potential sex partner will see it, no matter how promising things may look early in the evening. Period.

The laundry is done, the dishes are washed, and the floors are vacuumed, and I’m sitting here watching “Badfinger: Behind the Music“, all by my lonesome. That’s OK; I did have nice cheap sex earlier with a boy in very convincing bike messenger drag, among others. But I rather wanted to bring someone home. And I thought I was going to at one point. Oh well…

Things I love tonight:

  • Badfinger.
  • My stunningly clean house and “Downy fresh” laundry.
  • Half-price Hallowe’en candy at Long’s.
  • $1.69 Stouffers at Ralphs.
  • Alternaboys with surprisingly large penises.

Things I hate tonight:

  • Cute boys (named Steve) who are sober enough to cruise me very agressively (to the point of snuggling, even) but are too drunk to have the attention span required to get past that point.
  • Forgetting to set the VCR and thus missing The Simpsons while engaging in the aforementioned snuggling.
  • The asshole who stole the brand new jack from my trunk just hours after I bought it last night.
  • Laundromats.