What the hell. I’ll bite

I see: Sabrina the Teenage Witch
I need: retroactive health insurance
I find: that I’m not fond of 80% of the people I encounter
I want: change
I have: some very good books
I wish: I had some ambition and initiative
I love: the java jive and it loves me
I hate: way too much stuff
I miss: the east coast
I fear: George W. Bush
I feel: defective
I hear: Interstate 80
I smell: Interstate 80
I crave: non-interstate highways
I search: Google, usually
I wonder: if my heart will start functioning normally at some point
I regret: not going to grad school, among other things

When was the last time you…
Smiled: lunch
Laughed: lunch
Cried: Saturday
Bought something: an hour ago
Danced: 1985
Were sarcastic: much more recently than 1985
Kissed someone: Sunday
Talked to an ex: define “ex” please…
Watched your favorite movie: last week
Had a nightmare: don’t remember

Last book you read: American Beach
Last movie you saw: don’t remember
Last song you heard: the theme to “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”
Last thing you had to drink: grape juice
Last time you showered: this morining
Last thing you ate: a cookie

Smoke: yes, but I’m working on it
Do drugs: aside from the aforementioned nicotine, no
Have sex: not enough
Sleep with stuffed animals: no
Live in the moment: which moment?
Had a dream that keeps coming back: no
Play an instrument: no
Believe there is life on other planets: only on Rigel 4
Remember your first love: yes
Still love him/her: no
Read the newspaper: yes
Have any gay or lesbian friends: a few
Believe in miracles: yes, ever since I discovered Pillsbury frozen buttermilk biscuits
Believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever: possible: yes, advisable: no
Consider yourself tolerant of others: as long the annoying ones stay the hell out of my way
Consider love a mistake: only if I’m a participant
Like the taste of alcohol: sure, why not?
Have a favorite candy: Reese’s
Believe in astrology: give me a fucking break
Believe in God: define “god” please…
Believe in magic: it was the best song Pilot ever recorded
Pray: not generally
Go to church: oh no
Have any pets: my plants
Talk to strangers who IM you: don’t IM at all
Wear hats: sometimes
Have any piercings: no
Have any tattoos: no
Hate yourself: only on Tuesdays
Have an obsession: yes
Have a secret crush: no
Collect anything: yes
Have a best friend: yes
Wish on stars: do porn stars count?
Like your handwriting: sure
Have any bad habits: yes
Care about looks: yes
Believe in witches: see first question
Believe in Satan: no
Believe in ghosts: not really