Happiness is:
A trip home (and maybe here and here) will be scheduled as soon as all this is over. Get ready, east coast…
Youth: impulsiveness, restlessness, and enthusiasm.
Adulthood: resignation and stability.
Why am I never sure which one’s in charge of me?
Sometimes I feel very grown up, like this morning when I’m sitting here drinking my coffee and listening to Nat King Cole, having just completed a breakfast which centered around leftover cubed steak from last night. Hell, I feel positively middle-aged.
But most of the time, I don’t feel like much of an adult at all. I don’t see a 36-year-old face when I look in the mirror. When I see other people my age, I almost always guess them to be older than me. Especially if I’m not in San Francisco, where Peter Pan Syndrome is as ubiquitous (and as annoying) as the smell of marijuana or the sense of moral indignation.
I don’t really want to be Mister Average Suburban Guy, more concerned with the state of my lawn than with having an interesting life. But sometimes I would like to HAVE a lawn, as well as some of the stability and routine associated with it. Yeah, I’d hire some cute 16-year-old to cut the grass and all, but it would still be mine.
I get restless too, though. I want to go places and do things and never have to commit to one house or one city or one job or one lover. I wake up some mornings a bundle of restless energy, wondering what I should do or where I should go that day. It borders on anxiety, as if I die a little bit by not coming up with some exciting way to pass the time. And I often invest more effort in deciding what to do than in actually doing it.
It’s a little taxing sometimes, but I guess it’s a little better than waking up knowing what I MUST do or where I HAVE to go.
I think it comes down to the fact that I’d like to have a nice little routine to fall back on, but that I don’t want said routine to control my life. More ominous is the fact that I don’t seem much inclined to put in the level of work and commitment necessary to get me to this point.
I hate it when I’m feeling neurotic and self-obsessed on Sunday morning. This wouldn’t be happening if TNT were still running their “In the Heat of the Night” marathons…
Yeah, I’m still alive. It’s been a hectic week. I’m working a lot and trying to teach myself Director against my will (and my better judgment). And I seem completely unable to compose a simple email message, so particular apologies to Becky and Dan…
I did drag myself out on Thursday night and found it oddly entertaining. Minor backroom activities aside, I ran into a friend I hadn’t really talked to in a while, and I fended off advances from a nice enough boy who bought me drinks and said I looked like a thug. I think I like looking like a thug, but I’m not quite sure…
Coming this weekend: more RAM, smog check, dinner with Dan and Jamie tonight (i guess), and maybe a mini road trip someplace. I haven’t decided yet…
Once again, I promise to get interesting one of these days…
Stupidest sentence I’ve read today, from a site owner to whom I complained about being added to his mailing list against my will, and without ever having contacted him nor visited his stupid (commercial) site:
“There’s no need to be harsh in the peaceful gay and lesbian land.”
Oooh, the peaceful gay and lesbian land, where we’re all brothers and sisters who love one another. We don’t have to act appropriately, because we’re all gay (pronouced, of course, in a hushed, reverential tone). And being gay makes everything we do just fine and dandy, no matter how idiotic or annoying. To suggest otherwise would just be “homophobic”…
See David puke. See David puke up a big ol’ rainbow-colored stream of bile…
A resolution:
Therefore, be it resolved that Planet SOMA and The Other Stream are now officially recognized “zones of internalized homophobia”. If you would like to have your site designated an official “zone of internalized homophobia”, please let me know.
I love Super Bowl Sunday. No lines at Wal-Mart. No lines at Krispy Kreme. No lines at Alberston’s. I don’t know (or care) who won and I’d have to think hard even to tell you who played, but I managed to enjoy the afternoon anyhow. I’ve got doughnuts and toilet paper. What more could I ask?
Maybe I could ask you to go give Becky some business. Considering the way I ignore typos, maybe I should ask myself to do the same thing…
Why no, the picture above has nothing to do with anything. It’s just one of the several random Burger Chef moments I’d like this site to become known for. Thanks for asking…
Anybody have any great and unusual ideas for a skate-related porn story I need to start writing for Boardboys tonight? February’s PG&E bill may depend on it…
I have SO much stuff I need to be working on right now, and I can’t seem to start doing any of it…
I read stories like this, relieved that I’m a long way from North Carolina. And then I read stories like this…
Best reason to visit a Folsom Street queer bar this weekend: to hear “New York Groove” by Ace Frehley at 1AM in My Place.
Other good reasons to visit a Folsom Street queer bar this weekend: none.
