Where I Live

So everyone’s buying houses lately. I want to buy a house. Of course, it will never happen in San Francisco for two big reasons, the first being that we’ll never be able to afford one here, and the second being that doing so would require much more of a commitment to San Francisco than I’m willing to make at this point…

But the apartment’s comfy, if small, and it’s time for an updated tour, I think:

 

This is the house where I live. It’s a different color now, but I don’t have a new picture handy. Inside is our mailbox…

This is the hall. It is long and narrow and has lots of Apple posters in it. It was rebuilt in 2001 to accommodate a new heating unit. Afterward, the hall has always been toasty warm, no matter how cold the rest of the apartment might be…

 

The front room is the office. This was where Otherstream and Murdering Mouth and all the other assorted websites live and breed…

 

We have a lot of books…

Next you come to the bedroom. It is very small, but quite adequate for purposes of sleeping, watching “Streets of San Francisco” re-runs in bed, and, ummm, other things…

There is also a bathroom. This is the room where we shower, release waste, and brush our teeth. It is also the room where Mark and I said that we loved each other for the very first time, but that’s a different story entirely (and it doesn’t involve watersports or scat, thanks)…

 

Now you’ve arrived in the living room. When the building was first built in 1912, this would have been the dining room. You can’t see the dish shelf, which is stocked with hundreds of videotapes. You can, however, see the porn, the DVDs, and the shelf of good juju…

 

We use the chairs for sitting, and the entertainment center for entertainment. And sometimes vice versa…

 

The back room (pardon the terminology) is the kitchen. It is the largest room in the place, and I like it. Probably because that’s where all the food is…

 

From the back door, you stepp onto the deck. This is where I smoke cigarettes and wish that the grill were being put to more use…

And that is my house. Thanks for visiting…

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