Stupid Christian Tricks

Driving down Monroe Road today, I came across this woman in a big-ass SUV (surprise!) who was driving like an utter maniac. She was repeatedly tailgating people at 60 – 65 MPH (in a 45 MPH zone), cutting people off left and right, and generally causing chaos wherever she went…

I happened to pull up behind her at a stoplight and I noticed her two bumper stickers: one a Bush-Cheney sticker and one reading “engage your faith” or some such nonsense, with this URL at the bottom…

What I wanted to ask her was if it was her “faith” that was causing her to drive so recklessly and put so many people’s lives and well-being at risk. Maybe she figured that by knocking off a few, she’d allow them to see God a little sooner and would thus be doing them a great favor…

But I bet if you asked her, she’d claim to be fiercely pro-life. As is the case with so many fundamentalists, her actions don’t quite mesh with her lofty beliefs…

Ah, life in the Bible Belt:

If someone greets me with “Feliz Navidad” or anything else other than “Merry Christmas” this season, I will kindly answer them with “Merry Christmas.” I truly believe to say anything else would offend Christ.

Sherry Jarrell

Of COURSE Jesus would be offended. English was, after all, God’s official language, even before anyone was speaking it here on Earth. That’s why the Bible was originally written in English. Old English, specifically. And that’s why he only understands your prayers if you say “thou” and “thine” instead of “you” and “yours”…