Morons, eh?

It amazes me that so much mayhem can ensue from something that’s so trivial in the overall scheme of things. Hear me out on this one, sports fans. This rant is not about you. It’s about a specific subset of idiots who apparently overdosed on beer and testosterone.

It’s no surprise to most readers that I don’t “get” sports. Never have. My dad gave me all the necessary training (since all boys are supposed to like sports, right?) and I was forced into junior high P.E. classes that pretty much put me right off physical activity for years to come, so I have a pretty good grasp of all the rules and the structures. I understand how most sports work. I just don’t care. That said, I recognize and understand that other people are just as baffled by my obsession with 1970s cop shows and dark, moody films from the 1940s and 1950s.

And that’s just it: I think of sporting events in pretty much the same way I think of movies and TV shows. They’re something you watch for a few hours to amuse yourself. It’s a form of entertainment, just like a play or a concert.  Maybe a sporting event is a little more interactive than some forms of entertainment (much like The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which I also never “got”) and maybe that causes people to be a little more passionate sometimes. But whatever a sporting event is, it’s certainly not something you get in fistfights or start burning things over. What the hell is wrong with these people? Where is their fucking perspective?

If I’m going to start a riot, it’s going to be about something a little more important than a movie or a hockey game.