Sanity. Somehow.

To say that the last three years have been really tough on me would be a pretty colossal understatement. Don’t believe me? Try losing three of the most important people in your life (two of them are technically still around but in a much altered format) while simultaneously trying to build a new career and pretty much rewrite all the rules of your life. It’s not easy. There were many times–more than I let on even to my closest friends–when my thoughts got pretty fucking dark.

I probably should have sought help earlier than I did. In retrospect, though, I think I handled it all pretty goddamned well. Did I spend a lot of nights curled up in a little ball on the couch barely able to move? Yes. Were there entire weekends when I felt completely paralyzed by everything I needed to do and instead just ate pizza and watched “Adam-12” reruns on Netflix? Damn straight. Was I incredibly angry and resentful about how my life had been so negatively impacted by other people, all of whom I loved but none of whom had given me any say in the matter? Oh yeah. In fact, I still am sometimes.

But you know what?

  • I could have lost my sense of humor. Somehow, I didn’t.
  • I could have gotten really self-destructive and lapsed into all sorts of bad habits and really stupid behavior. Somehow, I didn’t.
  • I could have just given up and said “the hell with it.” Somehow, I didn’t.

All of which makes me realize that I’m pretty fucking incredible and pretty fucking sane–at least in relative terms. I somehow managed to do some incredible things at work, to begin eating healthier and lose weight, to find some new things that make me happy, and to reconnect with some old friends. I still wouldn’t say I’m especially happy. I continue to feel a little overwhelmed by life. The next steps for me involve letting go of the past, finding more things that make me happy, eliminating things that make me unhappy, understanding my strengths and limitations, and regaining control. Oh yeah…and seeking help when needed.

Or that’s this week’s plan, at least.

9 thoughts on “Sanity. Somehow.

  1. Glad you didn’t say the hell with it…love you. And in the words of Lance Armstrong, Live Strong!!! Sorry, couldn’t resist that crap…

  2. I’m glad you didn’t give up, too. And remember (quoting Carole King) “You’ve got a friend.” Actually, lots of them.

  3. I think you’ve coped brilliantly so far. I’m sorry it was darker in your thoughts than some of us realized, though. Sometimes when we’re lowest it’s very hard to ask for help. If I can do anything, remember I’m right here. Lunch this week or next? HUGS

    P.S. Speaking of coping skills, today I intended to do X and Y and maybe Z and instead the cat came and snuggled up to me and we have been having an Internet ‘n’ Cuddle Fest all afternoon. I REGRET NOTHIHG ;)

  4. How incredible you are is not news to me. I’m sorry if I haven’t let you know that enough.

  5. You are an amazing person, David. I am glad you realize that, and glad you’re doing the stuff you need to. Thanks for being an inspiration to me!

  6. A little late to the comments but it gets harder to squeezevinto the cheerleader outfit these days…

    I ditto all comments here. You rock, you always have and I’m glad you’re around.

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