Deep into my tenure portfolio this week. The first draft is due in just a few days.
Actually, it’s a really good way of reflecting on just how much I’ve accomplished in the past five years. I’ve been much busier than it sometimes seemed, and I’ve actually completed a pretty impressive body of work.
In fact, it was work that got me through the dark times a few years back when I felt like the whole world was collapsing around me. It gave me a goal–something to work toward–and it made the days seem not quite so pointless. When you’re already depressed and suddenly a lot of really crappy things happen, it’s easy for days to start seeming pointless.
Work gave me something I felt like I could control, and that’s something I really needed at that point. A lot of other situations at the same time in my life had left me feeling like I wasn’t in charge of my own destiny, which is pretty fucking unpleasant, especially when you’re a control freak by nature.
Anyway, that whole desire to excel at something (or at least to control something) turned out to be a really good thing career-wise. it’s hard to believe I’ve been at this for more than five years. And I still think “tenured university faculty” is about the last thing anybody expected from me ten or fifteen years ago. But it just may happen now, assuming I can complete a lot of paperwork successfully, document everything I’ve done sufficiently, and convince the powers that be that they should keep me forever rather than can me.
Should be an interesting six months or so, anyhow. I’ll keep you posted.