Lest anyone misinterpret, the fact that I’m really into getting rid of things right now is not a sign of underlying depression. It actually stems from the fact that I’ve finally recovered from the last move and have found the motivation to do the next round. I hope to remove the equivalent of a room full of crap by the end of winter. I started tonight with magazines and newspapers than have been in boxes more or less untouched for more than ten years (plus some things I got custody of in the divorce).
The motivational part is that (as I also had to do when I merged three houses into one) I have decided that I don’t really give a flying fuck how much most of this stuff might possibly be worth in some perfect world. I’m on a cleaning kick. I just want it fucking gone.
I am keeping the essentials, though, like all my TV Guides (no…I really have a lot of them and they’re actually organized), and my “Best of the Bay” issue of the Guardian, and the first porn magazine I ever bought as a 16-year-old in 1980.
But those old Interviews and Advocates are history.
It’s kind of hard to curate posts that are less than a year old, but I tried. This is the final year to be covered in my “twenty years” retrospective. I may talk about the actual anniversary tomorrow and try to draw some broad conclusions. Or I may not. You’ll have to check back by to see which it is.
Despite an incredibly depressing start, 2013 turned out to be a really good year for me. I relocated to the house where I grew up, traveled a lot, and started having the slightest hint a social life again (which is about all I’ve ever really been able to stand anyway). And then there were the antidepressants–both the pills (which helped a LOT) and the cat with whom I had a brief relationship (which helped more than I might have thought as well). Music was a big help too.
The web stuff was maybe not some of my best ever, but that’s OK. Feeling like a human being again was nice.
Let’s just say I visited some very dark places in 2012. I’d love to say I handled it with my usual good humor, but that might be a stretch. Maybe the best thing to say is that I lived through it. And lost weight. What i really hate is that the big entries on the site stopped being about anything other than me. The big anniversary comes on Wednesday.
I thought this one was going to be harder to put together than it actually was. which says, I guess, that I’m finally over the worst year of my life. Or that I’ve gotten better at ignoring it. Or something.
In 2011, I lost two of the most important people in my life. Neither of them actually went away; they both just changed in ways that drastically altered our relationships. My ex and I split up after almost ten years, and my mom developed dementia. I’m not sure the website ever quite reflected how devastating this was to me. I actually wrote more about the latter than the former, but that doesn’t necessarily correlate with the proportionate effect of each. Sharing specific details about the breakup didn’t really seem fair or appropriate, although it is possible to read between the lines de temps en temps.
Despite everything, I was very successful at establishing my new career during 2011, and my October trip to Canada (the start of a new tradition) resulted in a lot of positive changes for me, not the least of which was the fact that i started listening to lots of new music again.
For the record, some of these posts were made public after the fact and did not originally appear in this same order (basically I “sneaked” them in retrospectively) so regular readers may have missed them.
In 2010, I got my first tenure-track position (which is working out quite nicely, thanks), my ex and I recommenced living together full-time after five years of the bicoastal thing (that didn’t end well at all), and I didn’t write much of any consequence. Highlights follow on the march to the big anniversary on 13 January.